February 20, 2013

At a Crossroads

Have you ever taken a step back to observe your world and ask "What do I want to do with my life"?

I've known since I was ten that I wanted to be a marine biologist. I still did other things to keep my life busy (dancing being a big part of that), but now I find that I don't feel so certain I know where I'll be in ten years. And that's a rather scary and unfamiliar place for me to be.

It's not that I don't love what I do, but the instability of particular aspects has really forced me to evaluate the priorities in my life. Yesterday, I made a huge career decision and I'm still not sure if it was right one. Only time will tell but I'm hoping I didn't make a big mistake. Sigh.

I'm the type of person that has to have a plan. I set goals to keep me going - like the one chapter a night writing regime I've put myself on. For the most part, I achieve them because that's what makes me happy. (Sad, but true.) However, I've also worked so hard for so long, and now I'm having a really hard time seeing how that's paid off. Goals be damned.

When it comes to writing though, I know what I want. I absolutely LOVE creating stories and having them take on a life on their own when I sit down to write one thing and it spins off into this whole other element. I love my characters, love working with the cover designers, and am thrilled every time I sell a book. This is definitely a part of my life I want to continue.

So can I make my writing a career? I don't know. Would I like to? I certainly wouldn't mind having the luxury of staying home and writing all day. But I'm not there yet. So what do I do?

Keep plugging away, I guess. I can't imagine a life where I don't have some mix of science and creativity. This year, I hope to make that a little more evenly split. I have a plan (ha!) to release 2-3 books, decide what's best for my professional career, and not run myself ragged wasting time on things that won't get me there. Hopefully I can achieve this.

So I suppose this post really has nothing to do with writing...more of a self therapy/journaling session for me. I guess it's always good to evaluate where you're at,who's in your life, and what you want. Right?

And right now I want to write. So I'll finish this depressing insight into my confused mind and leave you with a picture of Eviana's world.



2 comments:

  1. I get that all the time! Something just hits me and I'm like "What have I got to show for my life?" So you're not alone :)
    It's perfectly natural to constantly re-assess and sure, it can be scary but it's our gut's way of showing us the next step to take! Keep at it, Amber :)

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    1. Aw, thanks Rebekah! I needed that. :) I guess it's a time for me let things be the way they're supposed to be.

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